Today I am another year older. I find it funny how a birthday is but one day, but you become a whole year older. It’s funny how we spend the first half of our lives wishing we were older and the second wishing we were younger. Or maybe that’s just me.
I’m stealing away a few moments since it’s my birthday and it’s probably the one day of the year that I don’t feel guilty for doing so. Birthdays give us permission to be spoiled so I really kind of like my birthday.
As I type, I listen.
I hear sounds of my sweet and special son making his noises, his iPad blaring. He is the treasure, but the iPad is a blessing . It keeps my sanity by keeping him happy through the current illness- strep and sinus infection, hyper-irritability and super-stimming brought on by steroids and albuterol.
I hear the sweetness of my youngest’s voice telling me, “No, I’ll do it- it’s your birthday.” This shows me he really can get his own breakfast, yet I do it every other day. And I really don’t mind because I feel he still needs me and he says I “do it the best” so I will until he won’t let me when it’s not my birthday.
I hear sounds of quiet while my older children sleeping. Teenagers sleep late and I let them because they are responsible kids and get done what the need to. At least most of the time, but the do’s outweigh the don’t so I give grace. And I sometimes still peek and watch them sleep because no matter how old they get, they will always be my babies. And besides, one left me flowers on the table and set my coffee cup out.
I hear my phone ring with my husband telling me to enjoy his coffee becasue he left it when he went to give Josh one of his meds. And I’m so thankful for a man who loves his children so unashamedly and does so much for and with them. He does what I can’t and says I do what he couldn’t. And I love him for saying so.
I hear my phone ding with texts from friends and messages of birthday wishes and Facebook posts and remember surprises and lunches and cupcakes and am undeserving but so grateful.
I hear my heart thank God for all this and more. I thank Him for all I am able to do and for grace for what I cannot.
Today I cast my cares and remember His promises. We are going through some fires.
I must believe that He is faithful to bring us out so we won’t even smell of smoke.
My circumstances do not change Who He is.
But today. Today, I will pray, write, drink coffee, teach and tend. Maybe I’ll read and knit.
I will spend time with my people. I will go out for a little while with one. I will come home and hear sounds of those I love more than life cooking dinner and laughing since they really don’t cook but are trying anyway.
I will sit at my table with scratches and mismatched chairs and laugh at bad jokes and eat good food.